I appreciate the wisdom here. I would say in my experience in the evangelical churches I've run in over the past ten years, there is lessening appreciation for children. Almost no one is having more than 3 kids, and quite a few are settling for two or three. Lighthearted joking about the miseries of parenting abound. The evangelical church, in my opinion, needs a reorientation around the value of family and should take the Bible seriously when it celebrates having a quiver full of children (two arrows doesn't strike me as a quiver full). But as we try to champion families...yes and amen to what you're saying. This is a good reminder not to sugar coat the real sacrifices. Let's represent the sacrifices clearly...and then call more families to the glorious inconvenience of kids.
Maybe I am too used to the cultural air I breathe, but I don't find 3 kids to be a small family. You could argue that it at least fulfils the command "to multiply and fill the earth", because if you have more than 2 kids you make the population grow while 2 kids usually just stabilises the current population. ;-)
I doubt we will have more than 3 kids since we started a bit late - I was 34 when we got our first son. I wish we started earlier in our mid-twenties, but I also found and married my wife quite late. Which gets me to a point: In order to have a “quiver full” of children, you need to prioritise this quite early and have an environment that encourages and supports you - ideally close family members and a lively and relational church near-by. Looking back I wish I had pursued this more intentionally, but alas I was busy studying, working in campus ministry, pursuing friendships and also a bit hesitant and unsure (how) to pursue and commit to a life-long partner.
If you swim in the cultural flow, having your first child by the age of let's say 24 is quite unlikely. Churches (and families and individuals) need to foster a counter-culture that encourages families and kids while also not pushing too hard for it because I believe this is mot often counter-productive in today's generation.
It would not surprise me if all of the parents Ms. Roan knows are miserable, but that is because I suspect that most of the people Ms. Roan knows are miserable, and trying to raise children in New York and L.A. seems like it would add to said misery, especially if you're part of the "meritocracy" and freaking out over whether putting your child into this or that preschool is going to put them at a disadvantage compared to their peers.
Exactly for the reasons mentioned above is why my husband and i chose not to have any. I think the way modern life is set up where both have to work and everything else, makes it a more difficult choice to have children. I am passed childbearing now, but i don't regret not having any, i don't feel that we are missing anything, maybe when i get older i will. I don't think i would have been a good parent, my parents were not very good at parenting, and i think i would be the same. To be honest i feel sorry for anyone parenting in this modern world, i do not envy parents one bit. I just cannot wrap my head around having to raise another human being that is made in God's image and be responsible for that, to me it feels like being asked to climb MT everest.
I still do think though that having children is a good thing if you are 100% committed to it.
Beautiful piece. My husband and I have been blessed with many living children over the past seventeen years. It is very hard and very worth it at the same time. The only way we can do this at all is by trusting our ways and our children to Jesus, and even this very imperfectly.
A friend and I were just talking about the bittersweet hardships of releasing children to early and full adulthood. It’s another kind of sacrifice. But how else would we live? As you say, the alternative is bleak and lonely.
I appreciate the wisdom here. I would say in my experience in the evangelical churches I've run in over the past ten years, there is lessening appreciation for children. Almost no one is having more than 3 kids, and quite a few are settling for two or three. Lighthearted joking about the miseries of parenting abound. The evangelical church, in my opinion, needs a reorientation around the value of family and should take the Bible seriously when it celebrates having a quiver full of children (two arrows doesn't strike me as a quiver full). But as we try to champion families...yes and amen to what you're saying. This is a good reminder not to sugar coat the real sacrifices. Let's represent the sacrifices clearly...and then call more families to the glorious inconvenience of kids.
Maybe I am too used to the cultural air I breathe, but I don't find 3 kids to be a small family. You could argue that it at least fulfils the command "to multiply and fill the earth", because if you have more than 2 kids you make the population grow while 2 kids usually just stabilises the current population. ;-)
I doubt we will have more than 3 kids since we started a bit late - I was 34 when we got our first son. I wish we started earlier in our mid-twenties, but I also found and married my wife quite late. Which gets me to a point: In order to have a “quiver full” of children, you need to prioritise this quite early and have an environment that encourages and supports you - ideally close family members and a lively and relational church near-by. Looking back I wish I had pursued this more intentionally, but alas I was busy studying, working in campus ministry, pursuing friendships and also a bit hesitant and unsure (how) to pursue and commit to a life-long partner.
If you swim in the cultural flow, having your first child by the age of let's say 24 is quite unlikely. Churches (and families and individuals) need to foster a counter-culture that encourages families and kids while also not pushing too hard for it because I believe this is mot often counter-productive in today's generation.
Valuable things are always expensive.
Love is benefiting others at my expense.
Love is expensive but insanely valuable.
Thanks for this!
It would not surprise me if all of the parents Ms. Roan knows are miserable, but that is because I suspect that most of the people Ms. Roan knows are miserable, and trying to raise children in New York and L.A. seems like it would add to said misery, especially if you're part of the "meritocracy" and freaking out over whether putting your child into this or that preschool is going to put them at a disadvantage compared to their peers.
Exactly for the reasons mentioned above is why my husband and i chose not to have any. I think the way modern life is set up where both have to work and everything else, makes it a more difficult choice to have children. I am passed childbearing now, but i don't regret not having any, i don't feel that we are missing anything, maybe when i get older i will. I don't think i would have been a good parent, my parents were not very good at parenting, and i think i would be the same. To be honest i feel sorry for anyone parenting in this modern world, i do not envy parents one bit. I just cannot wrap my head around having to raise another human being that is made in God's image and be responsible for that, to me it feels like being asked to climb MT everest.
I still do think though that having children is a good thing if you are 100% committed to it.
Beautiful piece. My husband and I have been blessed with many living children over the past seventeen years. It is very hard and very worth it at the same time. The only way we can do this at all is by trusting our ways and our children to Jesus, and even this very imperfectly.
A friend and I were just talking about the bittersweet hardships of releasing children to early and full adulthood. It’s another kind of sacrifice. But how else would we live? As you say, the alternative is bleak and lonely.