As another Brit, I was coming here to say exactly the same as Berkeley Young. In fact I have just looked for a definition of conscientiousness online and I can't find any that aligns with its use in this article.
I've never come across this definition of 'conscientiousness'. Is it an American understanding of the word? The standard definition (for a Brit, at least), is "the quality of wishing to do one's work or duty well and thoroughly."
I am a personality researcher studying the Big Five traits, among other individual differences. Among personality researchers, this is simply not true: "The purpose of all these zealous personality tests and the cultish communities that form around them is to reinforce the ironclad law that my relationship to you begins and ends with recognition of who I am." My field by and large embraces the reality and possibility that people's personalities change! Unfortunately, weird things happen when our research goes out into the wild, and then it gets used by others to promote the existing therapeutic culture, which is often all about affirming who we all are, as if it is not possible for those individual differences to be sinful or to be something we can change.
Overall, I agree with the idea that the degree of individual autonomy our society, particularly the very online portions of it, pushes is both unsustainable and absurdly self-centered (see the transgender movement and COVID-19). However, I want to caveat something with the "nourish, not drain" thing: While you shouldn't cut and run from a relationship because there's a season where you're the one who gives and they're the one who takes, if there's a relationship that's been going on for a really long time (like, say, years or decades), you've always been the giver, there is no sign of that ever changing, and the other party is a fully functional adult, I don't think it's a sign of selfishness or lack of conscientiousness to say "I'm done," barring some kind of other obligation.
As another Brit, I was coming here to say exactly the same as Berkeley Young. In fact I have just looked for a definition of conscientiousness online and I can't find any that aligns with its use in this article.
I've never come across this definition of 'conscientiousness'. Is it an American understanding of the word? The standard definition (for a Brit, at least), is "the quality of wishing to do one's work or duty well and thoroughly."
I am a personality researcher studying the Big Five traits, among other individual differences. Among personality researchers, this is simply not true: "The purpose of all these zealous personality tests and the cultish communities that form around them is to reinforce the ironclad law that my relationship to you begins and ends with recognition of who I am." My field by and large embraces the reality and possibility that people's personalities change! Unfortunately, weird things happen when our research goes out into the wild, and then it gets used by others to promote the existing therapeutic culture, which is often all about affirming who we all are, as if it is not possible for those individual differences to be sinful or to be something we can change.
This article is pure gold.
I am not really a huge Pink Floyd fan (stridently Zeppelin, but I digress...) but might this be the best rock lyric ever? From "Wish You Were Here":
"Did you exchange
A walk-on part in the war for a lead role in a cage?"
Amazing, and ineffably sad, how quickly the world is trending towards this.
Overall, I agree with the idea that the degree of individual autonomy our society, particularly the very online portions of it, pushes is both unsustainable and absurdly self-centered (see the transgender movement and COVID-19). However, I want to caveat something with the "nourish, not drain" thing: While you shouldn't cut and run from a relationship because there's a season where you're the one who gives and they're the one who takes, if there's a relationship that's been going on for a really long time (like, say, years or decades), you've always been the giver, there is no sign of that ever changing, and the other party is a fully functional adult, I don't think it's a sign of selfishness or lack of conscientiousness to say "I'm done," barring some kind of other obligation.